Date #3 – 9/3/17
Push-ups – 15
I love you. But can we please do nothing together? It will be like a “Do Nothing Together Date.”
A big part of why I’m dating myself for 30 days is to figure out what breaths fire into my soul, makes me happy, and to find out more about what I like to do for fun. In doing so, I believe I will bring a lot more to my next relationship because I will know what it is I really like to do in my everyday life. Not what I think I SHOULD like to do. There are a lot of things I like to do that are just not realistic for my life and would not last. For example, I love going out for a steak dinner occasionally, but going out to eat on a daily basis doesn’t fit into my lifestyle, nor do I enjoy going out to eat that much. I like to eat at home in peace and quiet. Therefore, it may sound nice to date someone that likes to go out to eat 2-3X a week, it would not fit into my lifestyle.
Today my date was to do something that fits into my lifestyle that is part of my everyday life.
A day of doing nothing.
I’m a homebody at heart. I tend to forget this and veer away from this core part of who I am unless I consciously remind myself. It’s easy to get caught up in the go, go, go and only rest when you crash. I realize I’m off balanced when it’s been a while since I’ve taken a day to do nothing. When I have a day where the agenda to accomplish zero, my stress level in life decreases. The goal on these days is to accomplish nothing. I got to throw a goal in there somewhere. 😉 I’ll accomplish more 1 day after my nothingness, than if I worked 2 days in a row. Rest does a body good.
All through my childhood years, teens and part of my 20’s, I could sit in my room for hours looking at pictures, drawing, spacing out listening to music, organizing my things, or doing something creative like put a model car together and painting ceramics. I’ve always created a “HOME” for myself wherever I have lived. A comfy place I felt comfortable in and where my mind could relax and expand. When our minds are filled with to-do lists, worries, problems, “shoulds,” running around, and tasks at hand, it’s hard for it to go into a creative space and grow.
Around this time last year, I was training people out of my house. I had a gym set up in my dining room/living room during the day and attempted to turn it into a home at night.
It worked for a while, but it was a tough time. I don’t regret this stage of my life or that decision because it has gotten me to where I am today. However, I lost my HOME. My comfort. I got very close to hating my house and being there. There were a few months where I felt like I was running away from my life, constantly not wanting to be at home. Searching for comfort and zen. I was on the run and that felt so draining and unhealthy.
Once I closed the doors on my “home gym” and began the next chapter renting gym space, my home became empty and stale. It was like my home was having an identity crisis and didn’t know what it wanted to be. Over the past year, I have had 3 different couches, changed my rugs & curtains numerous times and moved my desk to every imaginable spot in my home.
I hate clutter because it causes mental clutter. My home at one point was causing me to have a mental clutter f*#$. I got rid of so much stuff. However, I got rid of so much stuff that my home didn’t feel homey. I craved hominess and softness. That feeling of ahhhh, I’m home.
I believe in feng shui and having a good flow of energy throughout the house. My house DID NOT have feng shui and I felt it. Everyday. It gave me a sense of anxiety, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.
Something needed to change and the change has been astronomic in my home and work life.
My house wasn’t a home.
In short, I got rid of everything I didn’t need, got the reading chair I have always wanted, got a couch that had lazy boys in them so that I didn’t have to have a coffee table and went to Ikea to get some small items to bring a pop of color to my space and make it feel like a home. I bought everything else used. In total, I spent $600 to make my living space feel like a home where I could at peace. I struggled for a long time to not make this change because I believed I could do the work I wanted to do in any conditions and not make any excuses. Although I believe you don’t need much more than a floor to sit on and a computer to do great work, I was ready to step it up. I have done great work without creating the perfect space or having many tools to work with. Last year I was still using a computer from 2005 that was as heavy as a 20 lb dumbbell. I just recently got my first new computer. There’s nothing wrong with stepping up your game, especially when you figure out what it is exactly that will help get you to that next level. I’ve always made it a point to be happy with what I have. Buying things just to buy them or to make yourself feel better is a tricky line. Do what works best for you. For me, I only buy things when I know it will bring a sense of joy in creating my future or when it will make my life a lot easier.
I now know that I work best in a big oversized chair, not a desk, not a couch, not even at a coffee shop. I can’t work at a desk because I feel like I’m “working.” I don’t want FEEL like I’m working. My best work comes from feeling free. What looks like a cozy reading spot and bookshelf is my office. I don’t want to call it my work space or reading spot or give it a name. I want the space itself to have the freedom to be whatever it wants to be. But for sake of having to talk about the space, I’ve decided to call it “My Happy Place.”
I started this blog post about date #3 and it got a little off course. That’s ok because it leads us to my date. I asked myself if we could do nothing today and enjoy my new homey home and have no plans. Giving myself this permission and allowing the day to go whatever way it wanted to lead to one of the best days of nothing I’ve ever had.
It turns out my daughter needed a day of nothing. In our 5 years of life together, I have never seen her so happy and content by herself for an entire day like she was today. She stayed in her room all day, coming out only when she wanted to share something or was hungry. I could hear her all day laughing at her dance videos or talking to her Lego men and women. She also tapped into her creativity and spent endless hours building Lego spaces for her Lego people to hang out.
Since we were going to have a day of nothing, I told her she could make her own decisions today, but to remember that with certain choices come consequences. I explained this lesson by telling her one time I made the choice to eat an entire package of Oreos. I let her know that my choice in doing so led to my stomach hurting and a terrible headache to follow. I let her eat what she wanted and do whatever she wanted. I believe kids need to feel they have choices and control. This gives them the freedom to explore more and grow. (legal note that has no legal disclosure attached to it…obviously, there are limits to giving your kids freedom and a time and place to practice this type of parenting style. I can’t take her to the museum and say ok, you’re on your own, go do whatever you want. I do it at home where everyone is safe and the worst decision she could possibly make is to give our cat a swirly in the toilet, eat 3 boxes of mac and cheese and stay up till she passes out).
I wandered around the house, aimlessly at times, and got up and down from my happy space a gazillion times. In this time of nothingness, I believe I may have had a breakthrough in what I want to do when I grow up. More on that to come. 😊
I ate when I wanted, read, journaled, de-cluttered my mind, and did nothing that I didn’t feel like doing. I also enjoyed watching my daughter enjoy herself in her own space. Not once did I have to correct her, tell her what to do or cause any friction between us. No frustrations equals A LOT of peace.
I also want to mention that a lot of this peacefulness I feel is from taking 2 days away from my home life to recharge and ignite my creativity. This always leads to lighting a fire in my soul.
Conclusion – I love to stay home and do nothing. I like a peaceful home without any chaos. It feels great to not leave the house all day and stay home with no agenda. Even though I enjoy time by myself at home, having someone at home with me who likes peacefulness will bring me even more joy. I’ll still need my days alone though 😉
It’s time to get out of the house tomorrow. Where should I take myself!?
Side joke – My daughter and I love cat jokes and try to say things in everyday life by inserting “cat talk” into our everyday conversation. It all started when we got a cup that said, “Are you kitten me!?” We think it’s hilarious.
Today she came out of her room and in complete randomness says,
“Doesn’t this place look familiar?”
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“Doesn’t this place look familiar?” she repeated. I didn’t understand what she wanted.
“I don’t understand. Do you mean does our house look familiar?”
“No mom, doesn’t this place look furrrrrrrrmiliar?? Get it, furrrmiliar?!”
Good one Priya, good one.
I guess a day of nothing helps you come up with good jokes too. 😉