30 Dates with Yourself – Date #19
11/23/17 – “Let’s be Thankful for Our Life”
It’s 2:01 am on Thanksgiving morning. I’ve learned through this experience that when the universe gives you the nudge to get your fit butt out of bed to write, …you lay there and argue with her.
What? Did you think I was going to say, “You get up?” Nope, sorry. I’m not superwoman.
You tell her she’s crazy and you are tired. You tell her you can’t write if you’re tired. You tell her tomorrow’s a big day, and you need to get some rest. You tell her about the social norms that you should be sleeping and that you should get 8 hours of sleep. Says who?!
Then, after a few more excuses, you raise your fist to the sky and say, FINE!
“I hear you loud and clear. I’m getting up! You happy now?”
This talk we have with ourselves is our inner monologue and our intuition. It’s the whisper from a higher being. It’s a choice. It’s an option we are presenting to ourselves and we forget we do get a choice.
We can justify anything to swing the decision in our favor or what’s easiest! That’s why understanding what we want is so important. I want to finish this dating experiment with myself and I know I will. So, when the nudge comes, I remind myself of the goal and what I want.
The funny thing about waking up ridiculously early is, my day ends up being AMAZING. I don’t drag my feet saying how tired I am. I’m fueled. My inner-fire is lit up because I listened to the nudge and I fought my natural response to roll over and snuggle with my 6-year-old daughter. I fought the robotic feeling that I need to get my full 8 hours sleep the world tells me I need. And that feels good to overcome that natural tendency. You don’t know me world! You don’t know how much sleep I need! I’ll set my own rules, thank you very much. I don’t ever want to forget how much freedom we really do have.
I got up with the intention of writing Date #19 about my date to California. But my heart had something else in mind. As I typed out Date #19, I began to close my eyes to picture myself in California. Again, I felt the nudge. It was heavy in my heart to write about thankfulness and think about how gratefulness plays a role in dating myself. I can’t figure out why the subject of Thankfulness would be on my mind though. It’s not like it’s Thanksgiving or anything. So cliché!
So how can I tie thankfulness and dating myself together? I don’t know yet. Perhaps some cold pizza from my brother’s fridge and some coffee will help. I’ll be back.
The first thing that comes to mind, (besides more pizza) is that dating myself is about finding things that make me happy and fulfilled in my wide variety of needs. A date can be anything that makes me feel good about myself and helps me show up better in my life and the world. There are no rules with this experiment, so I believe this date is about reminding myself of all the good and showcasing the beautiful things in my life I want to be thankful for and make me smile.
I know I like to look within to reflect and write. It helps me see what’s going on. It satisfies a need I have to express myself and create with words. Writing my words on a page can shine a light on my darkness. So what better way than to spend a date writing words that highlight the good in my life and shine the light on any darkness within.
I haven’t written since the plane ride to California and if I’m honest, I have been on the Debbie-downer side of life the past few days.
It’s hard to put it out there publicly that I have my dark times, but I do. I head to the amusement park in my head and hop on my favorite negative rollercoaster, the Downward Spiral. Sometimes I decide to stay for a bit and settle into the comfortable, familiar ride. I know deep down what I really want to do is go PLAY, drive bumper cars, and eat a funnel cake. But all that fun takes so much energy, therefore I decide to sit down with a grim look on my face and complain about the Downward Spiral.
I’m attempting to bring some light humor to these negative downtimes I have, but I don’t disregard the seriousness of it. Depression is a serious condition so many people suffer from. And I’ve had my bouts and battles with it. Although it’s not always easy to talk about, I hope that by speaking up more about these dark times, it helps someone out there see they are not alone.
After a few pity parties with myself and a day of overwhelming sadness, I had a great day yesterday. I talked myself through the negativity and fed my soul with what I knew was needed in order to get back to the mindset I’ve grown to love and brings out the best in me. I also talked through the dark time with close friends, voicing the lies and getting it all out. It helps to verbalize and hear the words coming out of your mouth. Most of the time, I’m able to shake it right off after getting it out (so the thoughts can die!) instead of letting it grow in my head.
To continue riding the positive wave from yesterday, I want to take action to help keep it going and growing. In doing so, I find the dark days to be far and few between.
Therefore, I will take myself on a gratitude date today!
For my 19th date, I will list 20 things I am grateful for right now at this moment. I will print it, draw and color designs on the list, and hang it on my wall so I don’t forget.
Let’s get started!
Today I am grateful for: (in no particular order)
- I am grateful for a God that watches over me and the spiritual relationship I have with a higher being.
- I am grateful for a little girl that turned my world upside down 6 years ago and has helped me step into the woman I am today. She challenges me, gives me unconditional love and shows me how much just one person can be the center of your life that you want to give all your love to while driving you close to nervous breakdowns all within an hour. She has forever changed my life for the better. I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t have my miracle baby.
- I’m grateful for two loving parents who love me for me. I’m grateful for a mother who wants nothing more than her kids to be happy and love them. I’m grateful for a father who has shown me how to see the beauty in the little things and for sharing his love of music with his kids. I’m grateful that they did the very best they could with what they had and at the end of the day, always loved me.
- I’m grateful for two brothers who are both amazing husbands and fathers, who give me hope and lead by example that there are wonderful men out there. I’m grateful they are positive male role-models for my daughter.
- I’m grateful for a little sister who is my best friend. I’m grateful for her beautiful soul and unconditional love she has always shown me. I’m grateful to be able to watch her grow into an amazing heart-warming woman who is equally as funny as me. I grateful to be part of her life.
- I’m grateful I have a safe and reliable car to drive and visit my brother and his family on Thanksgiving. I’m thankful that it’s comfortable, has a sunroof, Bluetooth, and an audio port. These are features that I very much enjoy and make me happy.
- I’m grateful my parents never let us four kids have pop growing up. I use to think it was because they were mean, but it was more about the added cost and unhealthy drink choice. I’m thankful I have no desire to drink soda, nor have to have the added everyday cost.
- I’m grateful for the ability to live in such a walkable area where my daughter and I can walk around town for fun and exercise. It helps get us out of the house, without the hassle.
- I’m thankful for Air Conditioning. I didn’t have A/C growing up and the fans I ran in my room while putting ice cold washcloths on my face just doesn’t do the trick like A/C does. I now run my A/C ridiculously low so that I have to wear sweatshirts in the house and curl up in blankets. I love it and it makes me happy!
- I’m grateful for my conscience and intuition. When I was a young teenager, I would get frustrated with my conscience because I felt like it got in the way of having fun. But it was always there to protect me; especially when I acknowledge it and don’t push it away.
- I’m grateful for the Tampa skyline at night that is still, quiet, and calming. When the wind blows through downtown Tampa, it brings me peace and contentment.
- I’m grateful for the technology we have that gives us the ability to meet new people and stay connected with those we love. I love that I can FaceTime my family and friends, connect with women all over the world looking to improve their health, and meet so many new people through the many online and app platforms.
- I’m grateful for the housing market crash and bubble bursting of 2008 that taught me about risk, greed and learning to adjust. I lost everything more than once and learned how to rebuild my life, finances, and credit each time. I learned life lessons and how not to make the same mistakes while still taking risks.
- I’m grateful for the sun that shines so bright the majority of the time in Tampa, FL. The brightness and warmth of the sun keeps me going and brings me comfort.
- I’m grateful for the nature that surrounds us and is EVERYWHERE. I love being conscious of the endless nature that is there for us to enjoy. We just have to look.
- I’m grateful for the freedom to play any sport we want to. The accessibility and availability we have to get out and play anything is awesome! I love that I can go try anything!
- I am grateful for the Atlantic Ocean that brings life to my soul and gives me inspiration. It brings nature, animals, and the ocean wind to my Tampa town.
- I’m grateful I can wear workout clothes every single day and have the resources to buy cute quality workout gear. I live in workout clothes and it brings a little joy to my life to be able to wear fun and exciting workout clothes that I enjoy.
- I’m grateful for a handful of close friends who have always been there for me. I’m thankful they have seen me during my ups and downs, good times and bad, and continue to love me no matter what. I value these friendships so much!
- I’m grateful for an endless supply of water. I can take a hot shower whenever I want, wash my clothes, drink fresh water to stay hydrated and healthy. I don’t ever want to take this for granted.
- I am grateful for our pets and the love they bring into our homes. My daughter begged me to get a cat and I said no for a long time. I finally said yes and still resisted Pillow the cat months after she moved in. I have fallen in love with our crazy cat, Pillow, and grateful for the patience and love she gives my daughter.
- I am grateful for “my spot” at Curtis Hixon park where I have learned to let everything go and breath. My spot gives me the freedom to relax, let my mind wander, regroup, refocus, breath, people watch, smile at humans, look up at the sun, clouds, moon, and stars. I’m so thankful to live in such a beautiful city.
- I’m grateful for an extended family full of aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and close friends who are like family who all makes my life overflowing with love.
- I’m so grateful for the freedom to break the rules, especially when the rule was to list 20 things I’m thankful for, and I listed 24. 🙂
I could definitely keep going, but at the same time, I had to sit down to really think about 20 things. It would be easy to make a generic list of things to be grateful for like, food, water, a home, etc., but to personalize it and elaborate makes me think a step further to ingrain in my mind.
I wanted to stay off social media on Thanksgiving, so I am finishing up this blog post today (the day after Thanksgiving). As I re-read this post, I am once again starting my morning with a personal list of things I am grateful for and can always refer to. I’d say that’s a date that keeps on going!
It’s healthy for me to continually list out the things I’m grateful for as an everyday practice. To further ingrain these positive things in my life, it helps to write them down in a journal or at a minimum, re-read my lists. I like to think about things I’m thankful for!
I would say I took myself on a very successful date 🙂 Go me!