9/22/17 – Date #10
Push-ups – 25 (Day 10)
Push-ups – 70 (Day 22)
“I was wondering if.., uhmm, if you like.., want to be friends?”
It can be tough making new friends for anyone, especially women. There are a lot of wonderful women out there, but we are all so busy making sure everyone else is taken care of, attacking goals, controlling our lives, and in our own little world that we forget to connect. We are made to connect with the human race, so when this connection piece of life is void, it can cause feelings of isolation or loneliness.
I have always had a group of friends that I hang out with socially and a couple close friends who know me well. But once I became a mom, my life changed. All my single friends continued life as usual, as they should. I didn’t expect them to understand what I was going through having a child on my own. It was a big transition for me. I went from a successful corporate woman working in an office with friends and freedom to being an unmarried single mom on my own with no family around and working from home. I was in survival mode and truly felt alone. The best time of my life was also the most challenging time of my life. Not sleeping for days with an inconsolable child makes you feel like you are living in a heavy fog in a dream. You forget what month it is and the time of day becomes irrelevant. You struggle to remember how to operate the coffee machine so that you can have, then realize you forgot you can’t have coffee because you’re breastfeeding. These tough times are countered with an overwhelming sense of bliss. The times I spent with my daughter in the first 2 years of her life created an irrefutable bond that I believe makes us who we are today and the close relationship we have. Time stops when you’re breastfeeding, holding your baby in your arms and she gazes into your eyes and into your soul. You understand what unconditional love is. The love that was transferred between us was during this time was euphoric. You fall in love with a human you created. It’s a concept that is so hard to fathom. I could sit on the floor for hours staring at her and playing with little baby toys. However, no singing obnoxious sounding baby toys allowed in my house. Sorry, I have to draw the line somewhere on my sanity.
As I started to join mom groups and go to mom meet-up groups, I made some new “mom friends” and things got a little easier. If you are a mom and feel alone at home with a baby, PLEASE reach out to me or the many mom meet-up groups in your area. There are tons of them! Go “interview” the groups and find your tribe of moms. I met women who were also new moms and had kids the same age as mine. We were able to relate to all the highs and lows of being a new mom and that felt great to feel I had support among women. I am also so grateful for a handful of close friends of mine who have kids the same age as mine. To this day, without these couple friends, I would have lost my shit a long time ago. Now I only lose my shit once a month! 😊Ok, ok, maybe only once a week. I’m kidding! I’m kidding!
So, what does this have to do with my date? Part of dating myself is finding things that make me happy and I enjoy. As I faced the crossroads of continuing my corporate career or the risk of starting my own company 3 years ago, I chose the wild life of entrepreneurship. This led me into a whole new life. Single-mom entrepreneur unite! Right? Nope. All my friends, who I love very much, were married with kids or didn’t have kids. They also all worked corporate jobs or were stay at home moms. I believe you can have many different types of friends, but there’s something endearing about having friends who can really relate to each other.
Friends are people that come into our lives and make it more enjoyable. Sharing moments while feeling accepted and loved for who we are. I’ve always loved the saying “Friends are the Family we choose for ourselves.”
If friends bring us joy, then let’s make a new friend!
About a month ago a friend of mine said I should meet a friend of his because he thought we were cut from the same cloth. What? Like she’s my sista from another mista? 😉 Nonetheless, he connected us through Facebook.
Earlier this week she reached out asking if I wanted to get together. We chatted through FB Messenger and set a place and time to meet. I joked and told her it felt like a blind date! She laughed and said, “Totally!”
Yesterday was the big blind date and I’m happy to say it was a good one. I met an amazing woman, Sheila Evans LaNeve, who also happens to be an entrepreneur and single mom.
A funny thing happens when two people click, it’s easy. There was about 5 minutes of awkward conversation where you know you are talking, but you don’t know what words are coming out of your mouth. You’re trying to assess the situation and the other person before releasing the tension in your shoulders and sit back to relax.
After that inevitable 5 minutes, it was easy.
We chatted about life, ex’s, work, our companies, our kids, boys, men, food, exercise and everything in between. Sharing experiences with those who have been through similar trials is healing and gives us a sense of connection. We sat at Buddy Brew Coffee for almost 3 hours before it was time to pick up our kids.
I’m not going to get all single-white-female on you and say Shelia is my bestie and I plan on showing up at her house asking her to hang out every day. The purpose is to remember it takes some time and vulnerability to keep getting out there and meet new people, whether it’s a real date or to make a new friend.
At the end of our “date”, it was hard not to say, “So, like, do you want to be friends?” Do we exchange numbers? I wonder if she’ll text me first? Should I make the first move? I don’t want her to think I’m moving too fast. Easy tiger.
We talked about making plans to play some tennis while our kids could play at the park together. It felt good to chat and make a connection. Whether we become friends or not, the point is to keep putting myself out there in life and in the dating scene. The alternative is to live in isolation scared of connection and being hurt. We are all worthy of love and connection and friendships. We just have to be open to it and let the universe work it’s course as we continue to make steps.
It felt good to do this for not just myself but also for another woman. Yes, I made this a date about making a new friend for myself, but you never know if the other person is in need of a new friend just as much as you are.
Putting yourself out there can be scary, but the more we do, the more comfortable we get knowing ourselves and being who we are. When we show up as our true self and are comfortable in our own skin, then the outcome doesn’t affect us because we’re being true to ourselves. If people don’t like us for who we are, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us. It just means they are not meant for us or not part of our tribe. We can continue on with our lives being our awesome selves. If people don’t like you for who you are, they aren’t your people!
Be unapologetically YOU.
And Rock on to that!
(well, today, but you know what I mean 😊 )